SIM Track n' Field 2010

To SIM Track n' Field,

Firstly I've to thank you all to give me this great chance working with u all.
You're the best. Run towards your goals and not run away. =)

First Act

During my summer break, roughly 2 months ago, I work again with Sherman on a project.
This time I join in the acting part. It was a wonderful experience and the most interesting thing is that, it was my first acting going into the public and I did something which not many dares.

The link is as follow.
Do check it out. Mine is walk 2.

http://www.ghostwalking.sg/index.html

He's a farmer

So far, it has been 17 years together with Ant and Qiang. Usually I would be their part-time companion. I would either be hang-out with either one, unless time allows we will definitely meet up together.

On this special day, we catch our what we missed last weekend. From his conversation, I realize that in his specialism, he's like a farmer. I don't see him so much as what he works as but what he does and how he does it. The process is simple, he plants the seeds and wait for harvesting. But in between this waiting process, he has to take note of many little process, like watering them, look after them, etc...and at the end of harvesting, in fact during harvesting he had to expect couple of failures. Isn't that what life is about or should be?

Gangs Of New York

Consider the one of the busiest city today, New York had her very own story to tell in the "Gangs Of New York", a film by Martin Scorsese.

This story was told in the time of New York Draft Riots,
that break loose on July 11 to July 16, 1863, where a Irish American young man, Amsterdam Vallon (Leonardo DiCaprio) who held vengeance against his enemy, Bill William Cutting (Cameron Diaz).

Cutting killed Amsterdam's father (Priest) in a battle between the Natives (True Americans) and the Dead Rabbits (Other Races, mainly Irish), and little Amsterdam was locked up in the Hell Gate for 16 years. Cutting was fighting for his father's name as an true American, who hated the
Irish, and the African Americans, whereas Priest fought for his fellows. Amsterdam never understood his father's action, all he cared was to revenge.

On the other hand, Boss Tweet, consider one of the most corrupted politician ever in American history, sided whichever party that benefits him. In order to stay in his post, he had to get votes, which upset the New Yorkers.

This films tells me, at least, about how corruption and racism can overturn a city, which brings death and misery.

However, if the story was meant to be written and presented in a confusing manner, it succeeded. I was lost couple of times during the show. At times I was pretty disturbed by the soundtracks and sound effects, and I realized one part, where sound mis-match.
I wasn't very much impressed by the camera angles, not that it's bad, but it's fair.
As for the ending, it's good but maybe could end in another way.

During the 190mins, as the show proceeding something reoccurring in my mind, the 1964 Race Riots in Singapore (Geyland). I always tell my friends and family that...One day, I'm going to bring this story up onto the screen, to commemorate Racial Harmony Day.
I know it sounds ridiculous and corny, but as much as I concern, it's my dream, not that I'm patriotic but at least to me......

"Our past is the torch that lights our way."

3 and the half pop corns.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRKx7hd3X9k&feature=related

[Link to the Trailer]

Perfectly Comfortable

There are many people get upset, disappointed
even depress when things ain't perfect.

Whereas some got frustrated and uncomfortable with the word "Perfect",
and they hate The Perfectionist.

However how many people who go thought such emotions wonder what Perfect is all about?

Everyone in the world out there definitely had think about or discuss about this word over and over again. I've heard all kinds of answers - the holistic ones, the wise ones, the smart ones, the stupid ones, the inspiring one...but non makes me comfortable.

The best answer always comes from oneself who realize what's the best answer for him -

Perfection is an idea which is not being executed, as it has not been executed it is perfect.

Barbarians Vs Modernist

Before I actually finish reading "God Explained In A Taxi Ride" by Paul Arden, not even half way through, something strikes me.

I will not literally share with you how good this book is,
but what I've come out with after reading.

Here We Go -

One day 3 barbarians dying of thirst. They were so desperate of water, so they prayed to the Rain God. Rain God gave them rain and they celebrated in joy, dancing in the rain.

One Million years later, 3 modernists suffered the same situation like the barbarians. They prayed to their individual God, and it rained. However, instead of celebrating in joy, they were arguing which God heard their Prayer.

-The End-

Excessive [過渡期]

A glass, empty, waiting to be filled:

- I stare into the space; an emptiness.
(The space I'm having, the emptiness I have)


A glass, filling, waiting to be filled:

- I smoked; filling up the emptiness
(The element I used to fill my emptiness)

A glass, half filled, half empty

- Looking thru. the contact list; venting
(I'm only half way filled)

A glass, filled/empty

- Reaches the limit/nothingness
(I looked empty but I'm filled; I'm filled but I looked empty)

A glass, overflow

- Over the limit; Excessive
(I'm filled, messed up and I crashed)

-----

The last week of my summer break
I realize how much time I have
24hours a day, 168hours in total.
I'm suppose to relax and slow down after a 2 months rush.
However I felt extremely depress.
It's the space that makes me depress -
apart from research and developing
Ant's Track Video and Grace&Guan Chang's Wedding Video,
I've nothing to do.
I looked thru. my contact list, msn list...
Depress.



Space is only useful if I made use of them, but I'm tensed, tight.
My mind is not resting a single min, just like my blood never stop flowing.
I could feel my cell gathering making my tissue
tightening my muscle
pumping the blood vigorously thru. the vain to my brain -
It's like filled and overflowing with memories, ideas, disappointment, fear, death, etc...



It was a self-realization that this is a excessive period, I've to bypass this -
Excessive Period is a never ending period, it comes and go as and when he likes...

My space is just like a glass, empty.
Slowly it's filling, all kinds of funny thoughts starts pouring in.
I'm getting moody but it never stop...it's unstoppable.
Resulting in overflowing.

*Do not ask me why I choose such a scene to film, figure out yourself.

Dialogue In Between [時話]

I believe that this piece of work is a break through for me
compare to previous works I had, I start playing with lighting and sound.
It was a stressful and worrying process but like what I say, there's always
at least a solution to a question.

I really hope to see comments, regardless good or bad, please find fault with me.
I really appreciate it.

The Person You Need To WIn - Youself

This is the 3rd time I completed a marathon.
Nothing special compare to lot of people out there.
However what make one special is what kind of mentality is he holding.

When I officially started my marathon journey,
it was tough, it was my buddy, Warren Chew who gave me a goal to achieve,
"If I start lifting up my legs and start running, I'll not let it stop until I finish."

When I achieved this goal, I set another goal,
"Even no one train with me, I train alone..."
[Even I'm alone, I still can get things done, I don't need a wall.]

This mentality lasted till my first marathon, Adidas Sundown 2009.
After Sundown 2009, I strongly believe in 1 Chinese saying,
"台上1分鐘，台下10年工" - it simply means you've to spend longer
and more time practicing, just for that 1 moment. - Also, the slogan for
Adidas, "Impossible Is Nothing".

Few months later before Standard Charted Marathon 2009, I continue keeping
this mentality to run and my timing that year proved me that, my mentality is stronger than
6 months ago.




In 2010, I completed my 2nd Adidas Sundown Marathon again, but this time round I'm other than my mental is stronger, I came out with something which I find it very true.

- Results-

For pass 6 months, regardless long run or short run, I'm always arranging this idea of mine -
"Running is the best to explain Life."

- You don't have to keep up to others pace when you can't, keep it to your own pace. As you keep on training, one day you might just keep up to his pace or even faster. First, you have to find out what kind of pace is the best for you, and you gradually improve - another words, understand yourself. You don't have to rush, just be honest and admit that you're not at that standard yet. Put your winning ego down, you can't be the best, because it just don't exist. Who we're always challenging is ourselves, to push yourself further, nearer to the limits. No matter what, there's always an ending point waiting for us, it is how much you had enjoy the run and how much you have experience during the run. -



This is what I've been thinking all these while, it is not very true, but it's the best for me right now.



- The moment you step over the finishing line, your life changed -



- The Pain I Endure -




- The boys that spend money to torture themselves -

Reason for me to run: For The T-Shirt and The Medal - It significant that, I've once again win myself.

心聲

[Ear piece is highly recommended]

Martial Arts

Recently, I am very obsess with Wing Chun (詠春), due to Ip Man 1 & 2.

At this point of time, I feel that, it's like I'm back to my younger days and at the same time it's refreshing and bringing me back to my childhood dream. I always have the desire to practice Martial Arts, and amaze people, and this desire came from Bruce Lee.

At a point of time, he was my idol, I wanted to fight like him, behave like him, so I started screaming and doing all the monkey stunts, but slowly, idolization fades away as I grow.

Until I knew Ip Man, then everything comes back, but this time, it's not just about idolization or fascination. It's about respect and learning, they are my role models now.

After watching Ip Man, I was fascinated by the product, his Wing Chun, even till now I am, but what puzzled me was "What is the reason for bring his story onto the big screen?", "Was it because he was the one who broadcast Wing Chun, or was it because he's Bruce Lee's mentor, or he was able to bring the essence of Wing Chun?" "Why is he known as Master of The Era (一代宗師)?"

The answers are all in the video:

1. The Art of Fighting Without fighting:




2. Respect:





3. Dignity:




4. Chinese Martial Arts:





Something wise from his disciple, Bruce Lee



When I'm self-practicing Wing Chun, recently, I know why I want to practice, it's a goal, a process in my life. I just want to do what I like, and enjoy it. This process whether it is perfect or not, it's my form of honest expression, an expression of emotion.

A "Question" Answer

Dear Sawn,

First of all, I wish to show my gratitude by inspiring me with the Facebook comment.

Wonder when you love a piece of artwork, are you fascinated by the product or the producer?

Asked
Sawn Huang, Lasalle College of the Arts, Foundation Lecturer

To me, I react to what I see, I study what I saw, I understand what I studied. So I would say to me, it is a journey of relationship between product and producer. I see this question as,

"When you're at an end point, would you see it as an end point of see it as a start point?"
Asked
Jesmen Tan, Lasalle College Of the Arts, Foundation Student

Jesmen Tan （陳金霖）
Your Sincerely

Bother

This is a song by Stone Sour
a side project by Corey Taylor from Slipknot.

According to lead singer Corey Taylor, this song is about "losing yourself and finding yourself all in one breath." It was written in a car on the way back home to the state of Iowa.

According to me I've 3 interpretation to it.

1. "seeing yourself fail and age. not bothering to help out the dying-self. Everyone has more than one side, it's portraying how ugly one side can be and how helpless another side can be. And how one replace another."

2. "this song is an internal conversation. the lines, You dont need to bother I dont need to be, I'll keep slipping further" is each side telling the other that they are separating, rejecting eachother. the lines, "But once I hold on, I won't let go til it bleeds" is one side saying, to the self, The sin dies, the life stays with me. Watch the video, the faces look at eachother in a conversation like style. One face is remorsefull and seeking atonement and the other is innocent and angry willing to redeam the soul, not the deciet/sin."

3. "The story of life in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly.(No pun intended) The different verse's narrate or tell of different parts of life. During times of pain, addictions, afflections, trying to understand a meaning of God. Like 'zombies' with go through daily life wearing masks, but underneath we're dealing with everything else, 'dying' in a way, getting older as we do. We write down diaries of how we feel inside along the way, even though no one cares. Then in the end we don't 'Bother' with dealing with it anymore, we just carry on. But when he hold onto something that we truly feel is good/right, we "won't let go tell it bleeds." But even then we can't let down what we had in our pasts. Thats just the way I feel. "

I guess words can never describe a universal meaning for everyone. Everybody interprets it their own way.

I was totally attracted to this song and upon listening is not enough, so I move on to the video.
It is simple, but interesting.
Enjoy both the music and the video.



Lyrics

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

[Solo: Corey]

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

Why you bother to tidy the table and tuck in the chair before leaving?

Stretch of road lamps made the whole street looked extra foggy tonight.
As I was walking from a fulfilling supper alone.
I remembered that many told me this,
"Why you bother to tidy the table and tuck in the chair before leaving?"


I will always reply,
"This something I can do to show my appreciation for their service, and it's a form of manners."

"We paid for their service, and it's their job."
normal reply.

I always wish I could explain to them more like,
"Money is not everything."
"We are working for others also."
"My mum used to work as such before."

I realize since they don't get the meaning of my first reply; I doubt they will if I argue back, and in fact I will be like them, trying to convince me.

Recently, after watching Ip Man 2, this issue strikes me.
The show makes me think strongly of my belief and clearer.
I don't know how many UNDERSTAND the what Ip Man said.

[Wanted to post a video of what he said but too but all are focus on his fights]

Ip Man: I'm hereby today is not to prove that Chinese Kung Fu is better than Western Boxing. We might different in status, rich or poor, but we should never classified dignity and integrity.

To add on, to be a "quality" human being, that is, the sincere and honest development of potential and self-actualization and life is not about winning or losing but how u live.

As we grow, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't wan to, but too much has happened and we can't.

-Sometimes this is the word that keep us hanging-

When all hope is gone is when we come face to face with Reality. Until then, we bargain with our God, our family, and with ourselves, hoping that we can wiggle out of this one as we have squirmed out in the past. But this time, no one comes to our rescue, and what we have been running from our entire lives now catches up with us.

After the fear and panic subsides, as it will, certain peacefulness comes over us. We find ourselves accepting the fact that our lives will never be the same, and find the courage to go on. There is a confidence that follows this type of experience - the most horrible happened; it doesn't get any worse than this, and we have come out on the other side. And now we know that the actuality of any situation never quite lives up to the fear of it, and we know that we are stronger for it to a certain extend.

In reflection, perhaps not right away but down the road, we might even see our experience as something that changed our entire life, and perspective. These things have a way of shocking us out of our dream worlds and grounding us, so that everything now is stunning in its naked reality. And when things become real, we learn to live life moment to moment, no longer foolishly counting on the next moment for our happiness as we have in the past; now we are present, fully, and grateful for what we have, and what we are right now.

Every loss, including our lives and the lives of our loved ones opens doors. This is the way it is and has always been. There are no endings, only openings, and openings can be light years from what was before. Each opening can be an adventure, where we will see and understand things that we cannot even imagine; things that are beyond our normal senses and logic, so amazing that we could never figure them out ahead of time.

While we still have hope, we secure ourselves to familiar doors, and no new doors are opened. When all hope is gone, however, this is when we learn how to open new doors, and the lesson is letting go, of our opinions of what we are and where we are going. As long as we think that we know what doors are there for us to go through, or where we will end up, be it in a heaven, in the obscurity of nihilism, or the darkest of hells, we lose that quality of wonderment, that unknowingness that a child understands, and why a child, in its innocence, is so close to truth.

May we have the courage to say, "I don't know." Three simple words that don't reflect hope, or faith, or belief, but reflect something much more profound, they reflect truth, and they open doors.

They open gateways to Now.

"You can never find the Now, if you never experience"

Quoted Jesmen Tan, 2010

Lousia (13姐)

Lousia (13 妹)

Her nationality is Hong Kong but she came from the States.

Ever since the bonds in our class got stronger, I realize that she's one of who I can share things and talk about with.

Last week, I met up with her regarding her fashion video.
We actually had a short conversation during our lunch.
I mentioned something regarding one of my ex-girlfriend.

Then I told her I realize something very interesting about all the girls that I had relationship with. Getting into a relationship is like a piece of cake, especially the one I mentioned.

Something enlightening came from her.
"Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break to think about what we really want and who we looking for, etc"

I agreed with her and so I define her words.

Many times due to a relationship, we got restricted from a lot of things and lost a lot of chances.
Things we lost, confident, social life, exposure, etc.
Until one day either side requested for a break up, we will have hard time adapting to the new chapter of our life. We were so devoted to the relationship we missed the a lot beautiful times to grow, to expose, to experience different things in life. Most importantly, we lost the time to understand ourselves.

If one failed to understand oneself, they will never know what life is.
Someone told me before, when she was having her first relationship,
her ex-boyfriend taught her how to be a girlfriend.
I was laughing, at myself...

From that moment, I promise myself, as long as I'm conscious I will never teach my girlfriend how to be a girlfriend, in fact I will share with her what life is about.
She's like any living thing on this earth, she has to live her own life.
What matter most is how am I going to teach myself to be a boyfriend.

I believe this is a very interesting entry....
haha...!
When was the last time I talked about relationship issue.
haha...!

This not only applicable in boy girl relationship but in life as well.

[Everyone needs a space; a space for them to mind their own business.]


［燒雞 & 13妹］

The relationship between a tree and my life

[How many times we're about to see the relationship between the start and an end?]

I dare to say that many times when we hear something
see something, we will have a visual of an ending.

Then we will backtrack from the end and find
the relationship between the start and the end.
Then we realize that we make more mistakes by doing so.

"Why must we walk forward with our back facing the front?"

One day,
I was looking at a tree,
I realize that I can't stop looking at the beautiful green leaves it has.
I looked at it's stems, branches and the trunk,
realizing how dull and boring they are.
I assume that so is the root,
but on the soil where the tree sits on is green and noisy.

The relationship between the leaves and the soil is like many things in life.
The soil is where it all started and the leaves it's where it all ends...

Do not assume or conclude something until you experience it.
If the ending is so important, ask yourself again,
"Why not I just die now?"

-

From this I could say that,
do not just look at the leaves only.
Look at the every parts of the tree.
The leaves
The stems
The branches
The trunk
The root

Understand The Root of anything that aroused your interest.

The Fashion Designer-Gonna-Be

[Pearl's Group]

[Shirley's Group]

[Lousia's Group]

[Designer/Model: Sun]


[Designer / Model: Shirley]


[Designer: Serena - Model: Steph]


[1 More Photos Coming]

3 years to the mountain

25th Apr 2010

[A date to be remembered]

I'm turning 24 this year
I only start to realize myself at the age of 21
That year, I made a decision of going back to school

I asked myself this question one night in army camp
"If I'm going back to school, what am I going to do?"

21 years, I tried many things
Taekwondo
Forming a Band
Mechanical Designer
Event Planner
etc.

I know damn well that I've been wanting to be in the Arts Industry
I know damn well that I belong to the Arts World
I know damn well that I only can do well in what I like

When I left army,
When I become a event planner,
People told me
"Jesmen, have you ever thought of becoming an actor?"
"I think you can be a lousy stand-up comedian among the best."
"Jesmen, since you want to deal with arts, why not Lasalle or NAFA?"

It was a weird connection, I related that present to my childhood
I wanted to
a cop
an actor
director
a musician

Then I realize among all these, being a director, the feeling became so familiar
I felt a connection to it
It seems to be like a destiny

So I spent a year outside to gain experience, money and the way to be a man

Time passed
I'm finishing my foundation
I ever told myself
Whatever opportunity comes,
I will grab and I will learn.

I took 3 years just to had my 1st production with a local film-maker
-Sherman Ong-

It was an awesome experience
They asked me, taught me, shared with me
It was a short film for the upcoming Art Festival

I told myself
"It's gonna be an awesome show"

I felt so honored to be invited and getting to know
Yuan Bing (Local Film-maker)
Han (Local Professional Photographer)

The basic lesson with Yuan Bing
The kind of lights to used for different effect
Where can I get the kits (Cinegear)
How much....
Who are the directors outside
The encouragement

Handling the mic for sound can be difficult
but not with the help from Sherman
Short is never a matter when you have extension
Endurance is the challenge

At that moment when Sherman passed me cash,
I was shocked...
I rejected it but Yuan Bing said I must accept
and Sherman said
"You're part of the production..."

At that very moment I was touched not by the amount
but the fact that they invited me, taught me, guide me and stuffs
and they see me as part of the family

I know that moment
"I've made a right decision"

"I will let you know the screening date."
Sherman said before I left.

Some amazing things I discovered and capture

[The Opening Top]


[The Indian Alley]


[Tanning Under The Sun]


[The Lock Up Access]


[The Dying Day]


[Another Side of Singapore]

[Table for Three]

[Under The Glory Heaven; But We're Just Human]


[The Film-maker & Actors]


[My Teachers]


[A Masked Beauty]

[The Beautiful Flight]

[The Conflict]


[An Unpleasant Dinner]


[The Angry Jealousy]